I’m married, but I had housemates like yours for years before getting married and it’s the thing I miss most about my life before marriage. I think a lot of people skip observing, celebrating, and writing about housemate relationships because it’s often seen as a stop along the way before you “arrive” (either to living alone or getting married/moving in with long term partner) — but your perspective is much richer than that and I wish all housemates everywhere could recognize the joy and friendship and mutual care that’s possible in that relationship
“Isn’t this the “community” so many people on the internet have been saying we’ve lost?” — my partner and I have lived with friends on and off for years of our adulthood and I couldn’t agree more. Love this for you and Madeline (and me and my revolving door of friends crashing through) just as much as I love my friends’ newborns when they’ve dreamt of parenthood forever. No one tells you how truly awesome it is to be in your thirties and have roommates but it really, really can be something special.
One of my other fave chapters of my life was living with my two childhood best friends who were dating each other in our 20s. I’m glad you guys also know how much fun it can be!
I’m caregiving for my mom who is going through chemo right now and so much of this piece resonates. Sorry people are not recognizing the community you’ve built! I’m sure you know, but if your roommate didn’t have you, it would be so so hard and the lack of support would be felt sorely. Most heterosexual partnerships could never (the data proves it).
Also, the line “even a broken biological clock is right twice a day” is fkn hilarious.
Thank you for reading and saying all of this. <3 I’m so sorry about your mom, that sounds so hard.
To be fair to my people, I'd rather they do check to make sure we are all okay! It's more a comment on society at large, that we don't know how to neatly categorize something outside the norm.
this is glorious, what a gem of a relationship. most ppl could not conceive of such a great roommate relationship, it’s so rare luck so it’s probably hard for them to imagine. that’s no reason for you to enjoy your good fortune any less 💚
"But I think it’s also important to remember that sometimes it’s okay to forsake yourself for someone who would also do it for you, because that’s what real friendship is." Absolutely! And also, don't underestimate the richness of the Auntie life. We won't all have kids and those of us who don't will be rich and weird and make the kids' lives richer and weirder
As someone who’s dealing with the effects of a brain injury (caused in my case by meningitis), I resonate so much with this piece! I also spent months staring off into space like a Victorian woman dying of consumption - it was so weird to have my mind just be *quiet* like that. I almost miss it now. So many doctors, so many weird physical and cognitive symptoms, so little anyone can say besides “Give it time.” I’m glad you can be there for Madeline, and vice versa!
It’s annoying as fuck that it’s the only thing that really helps, but help - slowly and unevenly and not as much as one would ever quite like - it does
I’m married, but I had housemates like yours for years before getting married and it’s the thing I miss most about my life before marriage. I think a lot of people skip observing, celebrating, and writing about housemate relationships because it’s often seen as a stop along the way before you “arrive” (either to living alone or getting married/moving in with long term partner) — but your perspective is much richer than that and I wish all housemates everywhere could recognize the joy and friendship and mutual care that’s possible in that relationship
Thank you so much, Ellie! I totally agree.
“Isn’t this the “community” so many people on the internet have been saying we’ve lost?” — my partner and I have lived with friends on and off for years of our adulthood and I couldn’t agree more. Love this for you and Madeline (and me and my revolving door of friends crashing through) just as much as I love my friends’ newborns when they’ve dreamt of parenthood forever. No one tells you how truly awesome it is to be in your thirties and have roommates but it really, really can be something special.
One of my other fave chapters of my life was living with my two childhood best friends who were dating each other in our 20s. I’m glad you guys also know how much fun it can be!
I’m caregiving for my mom who is going through chemo right now and so much of this piece resonates. Sorry people are not recognizing the community you’ve built! I’m sure you know, but if your roommate didn’t have you, it would be so so hard and the lack of support would be felt sorely. Most heterosexual partnerships could never (the data proves it).
Also, the line “even a broken biological clock is right twice a day” is fkn hilarious.
Thank you for reading and saying all of this. <3 I’m so sorry about your mom, that sounds so hard.
To be fair to my people, I'd rather they do check to make sure we are all okay! It's more a comment on society at large, that we don't know how to neatly categorize something outside the norm.
I can't wait for your book 🔥
Thank you for saying this :))
Love you both 🩷 let us all know when Madeline drops her substack about you :)
Let it be known to all that Madeline endorses this message
This is really sweet. You’re a very sharp writer.
Ahh thank you so much Naomi!
this is glorious, what a gem of a relationship. most ppl could not conceive of such a great roommate relationship, it’s so rare luck so it’s probably hard for them to imagine. that’s no reason for you to enjoy your good fortune any less 💚
Tysm 💛
How about doing it in your 40s!! That’s me… never stop being unconventionally community centered!
Love it!
This is delightful.
Thank you 💛
Ok I had to pause reading to paste this here: After all, even a broken biological clock is right twice a day.
Can’t wait to read that book.
Thanks Kate ❤️
"But I think it’s also important to remember that sometimes it’s okay to forsake yourself for someone who would also do it for you, because that’s what real friendship is." Absolutely! And also, don't underestimate the richness of the Auntie life. We won't all have kids and those of us who don't will be rich and weird and make the kids' lives richer and weirder
I loved this so much
Thank you!!
Beautifully written! Your description of caring for one another made me think of Muriel’s Wedding.
I'll have to check it out!
As someone who’s dealing with the effects of a brain injury (caused in my case by meningitis), I resonate so much with this piece! I also spent months staring off into space like a Victorian woman dying of consumption - it was so weird to have my mind just be *quiet* like that. I almost miss it now. So many doctors, so many weird physical and cognitive symptoms, so little anyone can say besides “Give it time.” I’m glad you can be there for Madeline, and vice versa!
Oh man that’s so scary! It’s nice to know that “give it time” is real. Thanks for reading!
It’s annoying as fuck that it’s the only thing that really helps, but help - slowly and unevenly and not as much as one would ever quite like - it does
❤️
I think that’s what you call a best friend 🥲. Our culture isn’t serious enough about friendship. Yall got it right 💜